Breaking Medical News

By Mark Salamon, February 1, 2019

I’ve written extensively about medical advances in the fight to cure male pattern baldness.  As a survivor myself, I understand the plight of those stricken with this terrible affliction.  I am one of the lucky ones, because I have been blessed with the undying support of my family. I couldn’t have made it without the constant, supportive words of my wife.  Words like, “I hate beards, but since he can’t grow it on his head, I guess I’ll let him grow it on his face.”

Judging by the sea of beards at any given public place in America, wives everywhere must be uttering similar words of love and encouragement.  And according to research, this is good news because beards, apparently, make men more attractive, at least according to Barnaby Dixson, a researcher at the University of Queensland in Australia, who has been studying this topic for many years.

Facial hair “enhances masculine facial features” and makes men look “more mature, masculine, socially dominant and aggressive,” says Dixson who, along with his colleagues, published a 2016 study in the Journal of Evolutionary Biology that showed that women generally found beaded men to be more attractive than clean-shaven men.  Not only that, but the stage of beard growth corresponded to the type of relationship the women were looking for. Those who wanted a short term fling prefered the “scruffy look,” while for those searching for a long term relationship, “the longer the beard the better.”  (1)

This phenomenon would also explain the recent explosion of products available for men looking to improve their attractiveness via facial hair.  The variety and volume of special combs, brushes, trimmers, curlers, gels, balms, oils, shampoos, conditioners, and waxes rivals the stockpile of products my wife and three daughters have accumulated over the last twenty years.  Not only that, there are clubs and support groups men can join so they don’t have to navigate the technical challenges and emotional ups and downs of beard-growing alone.

I have grown beards on and off for almost thirty years, and have developed a technique that I would like to share with all of my like-minded male friends.  My process for growing the perfect beard is that I don’t shave. It’s amazing how it works. All you have to do is don’t drag a razor-sharp metal object across your skin for a few days, and all this hair just grows right out of your face.  I prefer this technique because like all males (I thought), I always choose the course of action that requires THE LEAST AMOUNT OF WORK. In fact, the only reason I started growing beards is so I wouldn’t have to spend all that time shaving.  

I have received some validation for this method during several recent trips to Vermont, where it didn’t take me long to realize that I was in the beard capital of the entire world.  If you’re a man and you walk around Vermont without a beard, people look at you like your dick is hanging out. Particularly common are long, natural beards that have absolutely not been corrupted by expensive, time consuming, sissy products.  I especially recommend this for bald men like me who have already saved countless hours and hundreds of dollars by not taking care of all the hair that no longer grows on their heads. Follow this plan with your beard, and you’ll easily have enough time and money left over to buy an entire garage full of power tools that you will never use.

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If this made you laugh, click here or here for psychological help consisting of more articles on Medium and my Facebook page.

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