Breaking Medical News

By Mark Salamon, October 1, 2017

As a medical professional, I feel it is my duty to keep abreast of the latest research so that I can give good advice to my patients.  With everyone reading things on the internet, there is a real danger that people will harm themselves with treatments that on the surface may sound like a good idea, like putting wasps nests in your vagina.  

I don’t actually have a vagina, but many of my loved ones do, so I was sure to spread the warning as soon as I read about this latest craze of women “putting wasps nests in their vajayjay”, which is the medical term for vagina.  Apparently, wasps nests are basically ground up, boiled, and mixed with other ingredients to form a paste that is used for mouth ulcer healing, wound cleaning and of course, “vaginal tightening and rejuvenation”. (1) Doctors are warning people that this can be dangerous.  It is also worth noting that I have just written the word “vagina” more times in the last five minutes than I have in the last fifty three years.

Another idea that sounds great but is really not that  great is to inject food poisoning (botulism) into your lips to make you more attractive.  The technical name of this bacteria is clostridium botulinum, but most people know it by the brand name “Botox”.  Many people don’t know that Botox is made from food poisoning because for some reason the marketers of this drug thought that using pictures of bombshell movie stars would work better.  I have long advised people to avoid this treatment because I have this crazy, controversial idea that injecting food poisoning into your body is bad, and finally a groundbreaking and very expensive new study published in the journal JAMA Facial Plastic Surgery has helped validate my view.  This study showed conclusively that if you get your lips inflated too much, most people will think you look like you had your lips inflated too much.  (2)

Ok, one more for now.  If you are thinking about eating a tapeworm to lose weight, don’t do it.  I know they taste better than vegetables, but they are far more dangerous. (3)

I’ll keep you updated.

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